Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Job Market

The other day I joined one of these online job services, I don’t want to publicly trash talk any one but this companies initials are CareerBuilder.com. You simply send them a resume` and they use their vast database of open positions and their "patent-pending recommendation engine" to match your qualifications with an appropriate job.
Let me give you some background here, I have worked in the trade show/exhibit industry for the past 20 years and before that I had a construction/mechanical background. My talents are cabinet making, machining and fabricating along with installation and supervision.
OK, I was pretty stoked about this job service, it’s a great idea, but as I will explain, it seems the actual application of the concept to the real world leaves a bit to be desired. After joining the service I immediately received an email from them with a list of ‘matching’ job openings, I’m thinking WOW! This is awesome, I open the email and the first job listed…the best possible match is… ‘Mammogram Technician’ WTF?!?! Ok, being a heterosexual male, I like boobs, and having worked in a shop for my whole life, I know how to operate a vise AND, I own a digital camera, but matching my qualifications to this job is a stretch no matter how you look at it, not to mention I think I’d have a hard time explaining to my wife my sudden interest in other women’s breasts!! Alright, I’ll chalk that up to a computer glitch, next match… the second most likely position I qualify for? ‘Medical Administrative Assistant’ hmmm, I’m beginning to see a pattern develop. OK, my Mom was a nurse, I have a sister who IS a Medical Administative Assistant and having ridden motorcycles since I was 7, I have had more than my share of injuries, including 20 broken bones….some of which I’ve even set myself. However, I didn’t mention any of these things in my resume and am a little freaked out that they could somehow make the connection that I am a good match for a job in the medical field. Third on the list, let me guess…Obstetrician?? Nope, Deputy Sheriff...uh-huh, I have had quite a bit of experience in roadside negotiations with deputy sheriffs, state troopers and the local constabulary. To this day when I see a police car on the road my heart skips a beat and I do a mental inventory of all the things I might possibly get pulled over for, speeding, inspection sticker, lights not working, loud pipes, pony-tail sticking out from my helmet, I've been pretty legal as of late but old habits do die hard. How any of this could make me a good candidate for a position in law enforcement baffles me. On to number four on my list of jobs created by CareerBuilder.com’s ‘patent-pending recommendation engine’‘Pharmacy Technician’ - ummm....we’ll just leave that one alone.
Thanks CareerBuilder, for wasting my time. What, you may ask, do any of these jobs have to do with me? After investigating a bit I discovered that the only thing that would remotely associate my resume with these jobs is location, they are all within 50 miles of my house…is that how your “patent-pending recommendation engine” works? You might want to fine tune it a bit more before you go any further with the patent, those things can be pretty pricey.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

To Infinity and Beyond!!!!


It's finally over. 8 years of the lies and deceptions of a stolen office have ended. Break out the hats and hooters folks, Georgie's going home !!!!!!!
Bubye Dubya XOX

Sláinte Mhaith, I.B.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Hard to tell from this grainy photo, but this villain stands over six feet tall!!
 
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